p i f f l e a r c h i v e

a.b. c.
d. e.

__1. During our first tutorial we spent a few minutes discussing his clothes. Then he read me some Eliot. Today I'm actually wearing his socks. Those are the key points in a relationship that now goes mainly back.

__2. I've had a hard day, and I don't think I want to see anyone hurt until I've had something to eat first, and perhaps a few drinks as well.

__3. Do you know that some people drink vodka because it can't be detected on your breath? I think that's downright dangerous. If a man is going to pass out stone cold, it ought to be clear that he's drunk. You wouldn't want to open your eyes and find a doctor massaging your heart.

__4. What is he, a doctor? When all's said and done, I don't see why I should listen to my son, who isn't a doctor and who, not content with being round-shouldered, smokes.

__5. I don't expect you to believe me, because I am notoriously untrustworthy and I always exaggerate. But I really and truly do live across the street from something called the Hat Hospital.

__6. I can take nothing you say at face value. Every word you speak is open to any number of different interpretations. Most of what you say is lies.

__7. Why don't those cleaning women do their job properly? Standards are declining everywhere. Ruskin's char threw Carlyle's history of the French Revolution out with the other rubbish. But then they took a pride in their work in those days.

__8. No strings attached, open and above board, untarnished record; twenty per cent interest, fifty per cent deposit; down payments, back payments, family allowances, bonus schemes, remission of term for good behaviour, six months lease, yearly examination of the relevant archives, tea laid on, disposal of shares, benefit extension, compensation on cessation, comprehensive indemnity against Riot, Civil Commotion, Labour Disturbances, Storm, Tempest, Thunderbolt, Larceny or Cattle all subject to a daily check and double check. Of course we'd need a signed declaration from your personal medical attendant as assurance that you possess the requisite fitness to carry the can, won't we? Who do you bank with?

__9. Don't let's brawl, boyo. It won't do any good.

__10. Perhaps I should write for the theatre? No, no, no...God, no! How could it even cross my mind! Something must have come loose in my brain.